“It’s my choice to buy loot boxes,” says walking mess of barely understood impulses and meat
The gaming business’s new give attention to a loot field mannequin for monetisation might have many players up in arms – however one dopamine-addicted meat golem is taking a stand in opposition to the critics.
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with using weaponised addictive psychology tricks to sell products,” defined the existentially fraught assortment of cells powered by a biochemical consciousness engine which defied scientific clarification.
“If people want to buy loot boxes, that’s their personal choice and they should be allowed to do so,” the creature added, smiling as a close-by aroma uncontrollably triggered the pleasure centres of its mind.
“I personally make decisions of my own free will all the time,” the creature added. “For example, whenever I feel embarrassed, I choose to activate my fight-or-flight response as if I was facing down a predator in combat. That’s a choice I make, much like buying a loot box.”
The lurching biomatter clump is unlikely to persuade different outraged players, with a large client pushback already sending many AAA publishers again to the drafting board. However, the creature says it “can’t be held responsible if other, more easily manipulated people overreact”.
“I personally don’t see the problem,” it added. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve just made the choice — of my own free will — to send blood flowing to my reproductive organs after witnessing something that reminded me of a previous sexual encounter, and I must leave.”
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